being in love

12:45am Sunday, Jan 27

rem·i·nis·cent /ˌrɛməˈnɪsənt/ [rem-uh-nis-uhnt]
–adjective
1. awakening memories of something similar

an awakening memory? i dont know. but it certainly hit me as i sit at Ang Mo Kio MacDonald's doing work with Kavin, Deborah and Sean. this was where we used to hang out, this was where we had fun and loads of laughter, this was where i was so in love with you. sometimes i really hope to bump into you at school since you are studying at SIM, and sometimes i really hope i could just grab a glimpse of you on my way to school as the bus passes by your house. for almost 2 years of my life, i alighted at that very bus stop. and for almost 2 years of my life, i text you 'hey im here already you can come down now'. and fucking hell, for almost 2 years i waited 10 minutes for you to come down and see you smile and say 'sorry baby!' you know sometimes i just miss you so. yes, there may be someone else, and i should had fucking listened to you. yes, now i regret. though, that said, could bring nothing back. nothing. how life plays you out man. like what i always had said, 'just one fucking mistake and pooofff you're gone'. it was just one mistake. i looked through all our pictures in the hidden folders just now with deborah. i played the anniversary video i did for you, but it bloody hanged half way through. what? now i couldn even reminisce? crap. i could roughly guess you block me off msn. occasionally, i type in 'rainbow-trimmed.blogspot.com / theurbancouture.livejournal.com' in hope that 'this user could not be found' would not appear. but to my disappointment, it always does. now i know how you feel when you told me you just wanted to barely know whats going on in my life, just the slight bit, and thats all you ask for. i know how you feel now, for thats what i want now. just to know for the slightest bit how you are doing, and what you are doing. being a fuckhead, i was blinded by someone else back then. i couldn feel you back then. and its so damn true you only feel someone when you lost him/her. i'm not being a bastard, after not having her, and now i'm running back to you. no, im not. i'm not running back to you. i dont deserve that. i dont deserve you. i dont fucking deserve to have you. its fine, its still fine. ive sort of moved on. i bet you did too. well, the point is, i miss you. no longer can i not live without you, but i miss you. no longer can i not know how to live without you, but i miss you. baby, i really do miss you. i dont even think you'd read this, but heck, i just need to let it out, even if its to a fucking computer. i need to pen something down. call it being emo, fuck it. you know how i used to tell you i could only love someone so much, and thats you. hey, know what. thats so damn true. i never lied to you. yah fine, i probably did. thats fucked up. i regret. but so what? life's a ladder of lessons. you learn one lesson after every mistake/decision, whatever you wanna call it. this lesson, its not worth learning a lesson out of it. its just not worth it. well, if you ever do read this, i'm doing fine. doing great. just finished my final film, running into the last lap of my poly days. i'll leave this note here for as long as im cool enough for facebook. lol. and till facebook crashes down, i'll be hoping you'd read this. =)

a note from my ex

to be continued...

tracytan

It's in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need of my care, 'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me.

Dr Maya Angelou

thank you for dropping by C:, doesnt matter if you leave a message or not.
It just proves that either you adore me or that i'm really interesting!
So Welcome!

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~~strikeout~~

please and peeve

having a good company, being a greedy-gut,love sports but i dont see myself doing any lately hmmm
my itunes is currently playing songs from Chris daughtry, ryan cabrera, Sara Bareilles, Ingrid Michaelson, Ben Lee, Joshua Radin, OneRepublic and the cranberries.

i hate having too little time.

plugboard

mingle with

your links here.
keep them in clouds if you want.